Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
