A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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