Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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