time to smoke my breakfast
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
