you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
