sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
