Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
