So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
