who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
