i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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