I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
