Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
