Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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