uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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