My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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