Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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