Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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