He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
