My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
