I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have fence marks all over my body
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
