At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
