I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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