Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
