dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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