you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
