yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and she was petting her beer can
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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