I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
