brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
