just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
