I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
