I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
