you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Two words: blizzard sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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