every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
