so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are the jesus of drinking
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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