I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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