To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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