I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
operation have a gay friend backfired
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
