remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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