I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So vagazzling was a success
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
