He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
