I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
