My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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