I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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