I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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