It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
