Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
