Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
