fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
