Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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