Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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